Then I Realized
by hereitis
Summary: Calebs gone and Hanna and Emily are closer then ever, but with Alison's return, will it bring Emily and Hanna closer together or pull them apart? Slighty AU. Hannily, Emison.
1. Chapter 1

_Hannily! Pretty AU, I just kind of like to do my own thing :) Starts right after Emily has gone to see Alison at the warehouse and fought with Spencer. Also, for my stories purpose the Paige and Emily break-up happened the day before. This is the first time I've posted anything writing wise, so I hope you enjoy :)_

Hanna was surprised to see Emily standing on her doorstep. It wasn't late, only 10:30, but she hadn't expected to see Emily at all tonight, especially after the particularly lame excuse she'd come up with to blow Hanna off earlier. She pops one of her hips out preparing to give Emily a little attitude but as soon as she looks at her she sees the tears in Emily's eyes.

"Em…" Hanna starts but Emily just steps into her house, wraps her arms around Hanna's waist, places her head on Hanna's bare shoulder and starts to sob. Hanna closes the door with one hand as she wraps the other around Emily and leads them into the living room, luckily they have the house to themselves, Hanna's Mom is on a date with Ted, which seems to be the usual lately. Hanna sits Emily on the couch wrapping her arms around her shoulders and lets her cry for a few minutes before she speaks again.

"Emily, what's going on, talk to me, what's happened?" Hanna immediate thought is that it has to have something to do with Paige, but she is also really hoping it has nothing to do with Alison. Ever since they saw Alison in Spencer's backyard Emily has had a far away look in her eyes, and it's been worrying Hanna. Since Caleb has been gone Emily has become even more important to Hanna, who really didn't think that was even possible. She can feel Emily's distance though and Hanna desperately doesn't want her to pull away. She really needs Emily right now.

"What happened tonight Em?" Hanna trys again running her fingers through Emily's soft hair.

"I saw her, she was there. Right in front of me, then she was gone" Emily voice is quiet and thick with tears, Hanna hears every word though, and is thrown off by how her heart seems to tighten in her chest.

"Alison?" She asks quietly, already knowing the answer but needing to hear it.

"Yes. Shanna, she set up a meeting. I tried not to get my hopes up, but I did and then I saw her, and actually spoke with her, Hanna, I touched her." Emily voice is radiating vulnerability, just like the night Emily told them all about her feelings for Alison. Hanna feels so unsettled, hearing Emily talk about Alison with what she knows is longing, but she tightens her hold on Emily anyway. "And then Spencer was there, and she was gone!" Emily finishes her voice suddenly filled with anger.

"Spencer?! Why was she there?" Hanna says forcefully, why hadn't Spencer told Hanna about this she thinks.

"She followed me, she thought I was in danger, and I get that, but Han, I am just so mad. At her, at Alison, at Paige, at everything!" Emily says loudly moving away from Hanna, running her fingers through her hair and smacking the side of Hanna's couch.

"What do you mean your mad at Paige?" Hanna knew, she had something to do with this, but Emily loved Paige, they've been through so much together.

"We…Her and I, broke up." Emily states, avoiding eye contact.

"What? Emily! Why? And when?" Hanna states surprised, she wasn't expecting this.

"Yesterday afternoon." Emily says, still not looking at Hanna.

"And why did this happen Emily?" Hanna says firmly, she knows when Emily is avoiding something and she's defintley been avoiding telling Hanna this. She feels a little hurt that a whole day has passed as it is and Emily is just now telling her. "Emily!" She says a little harsher then intended.

"I had to do something…and she found out about it, then she went to the cops, Hanna, she told them."

"What did you do Emily? Please, you know you can be honest with me." Hanna says softly, taking Emily's hand.

"I sent some money for Alison, and Paige caught me, and made me tell her what I was doing, then she went to the cops, and told them anonymously that she is still alive."

Hanna doesn't know what to say. She feels terrible that Emily has been put in this situation, and some anger flashes through her about Alison being the reason Emily's life has been turned upside down, again.

"Emily…" Hanna pulls her back into her arms and Emily begins to cry again. Hanna doesn't need to lecture Emily right now, she can do that later, but she knows Emily needs her, and to be honest, lately Hanna feels safer when she wrapped in Emily's arms.


	2. Chapter 2

The night passed with minimal words exchanged between the two of them. Hanna hoped this wasn't the start of Emily keeping things from her. It's never been like that between them, they'd always been able to be so open. They'd lived together, they _knew _each other, they should be able to talk about anything. Hanna laid in bed beside Emily who was still asleep. She looked, calm. Last night, Emily had look so conflicted, so lost, and Hanna had done everything she could to comfort her but Emily still remained silent.

Times like those reminded Hanna of the period of time after Alison disappeared, when all four of them had drifted a part. Hanna missed Emily the most during that time. They'd been close, the closest thing Hanna had ever had to a real genuine friend and then it was over. Emily became silent, some part of her shut down, Hanna now knows why that happened, because Alison was gone. But it hurts, mostly because Emily felt like she couldn't talk to _her. _She thought she'd be the one Emily wouldn't be afraid to be honest with. Hanna realized she'd been staring at Emily for minutes now, she sighed sitting up and rolling her shoulders back. She needed food or a shower, or something.

"Hanna..." Emily voice breaks the silence and Hanna turns around to look at Emily over her shoulder.  
>"You're awake, are you feeling any better?" Hanna ask laying down on her stomach parallel to Emily.<br>"Yeah, I am. I'm so sorry Hanna, about last night and I know you're mad I didn't tell you about Paige yesterday when it happened I just.." Emily voice thick with sleep trails off.  
>"Em, it's okay. I know things have been hard lately..." Hanna casts her eyes downward and picks at a loose thread on the comforter. Hoping that Emily gets what she's hinting at, that it's okay that Emily is still effected by Alison. Hanna is too. Suddenly Hanna feels Emily's hand grab her chin lightly<br>"Hanna, I don't know what I would do without you." Emily eyes are serious and Hanna can't help but lean into her hand and she feels Emily thumb swipe her cheek gently before it's gone. They stare at each other for a moment and Hanna feels a feeling of warmth wash over her and settle itself in her stomach. "I've just been so caught up, and now I saw her and she's gone again." Emily finishes, reminding Hanna that Alison is still at the heart of Emily's mind.  
>"I get that Em, and I think maybe you need to take a step back from this.. from trying to find her." Hanna says as gently as she can. She wishes she could just tell Emily to stay the hell away from Alison, like Hanna is planning on doing if she ever does come back, but she can't say that, especially to Emily.<br>"After last night, and what Spencer did, she'll never try and contact me again, I've ruined it, she'll never trust me now." Emily says her anger rising again as she throws the covers off herself and stands. She whirls around. "I don't know if I can forgive Spencer for this." Her voice is stoic. Anger flares up in Hanna, she'd always been quick to act on an emotion before thinking about it.  
>"Seriously, Emily? Spencer was just looking out for you. Iif it had been me instead of her would you be feeling the same?" Hanna shoots back quickly a stern look on her face. They all had to stick together, no matter what.<br>"You know that's different, if it were you... it'd be different." Emily stated, moving about Hanna's room gathering her things.  
>"Why would it be different Emily?" Hanna says firmly but she senses something seems to have shifted in the room, there was suddenly tension.<br>"You know why." Emily says quietly, stuffing her phone charger in her bag. This had been happening a lot. This implication that there was something Hanna was suppose to know, but she didn't. She feels completely clueless, but to be honest, she's done that by choice. Everything just hurt so much after Caleb, and deleving into her emotions wasn't something she really wanted to do lately. "Forget it, I get what your saying Hanna but I'm still mad, and I have to go." Emily says breaking Hanna out of her thoughts.  
>"Emily, don't go, okay? It's okay, just stay." Hanna says and Emily faces softens.<br>"I need to be alone Hanna, I just...need to figure some things out." Emilys throws her purse over her shoulder but her voice is laced with defeat. Hanna's hurt by the comment, why can't they figure things out together.  
>"Fine, go. Maybe I need to figure some things out too." Hanna grabs her cellphone forcing herself not to look at Emily as she walks away from her. She reallys doesn't even know why she's acting this way, but there are so many thoughts and feelings flying around in her head. Hanna hears her sigh, then her footsteps on her stairs, and finally the sound of her front door closing.<p>

Hanna laid back on her bed and threw her arm over her face. The word 'why' and Emily's face is all the flashes behind her tightly closed eyes. Emily is hurting and she shouldn't be so hard on her, but Hanna just can't seem to help it, she was...jealous. Hanna snapped up into the sitting postion her eyes flying open. She is jealous. Hanna had been jealous before, like of Emily's hair, or of how brave Emily can be, but this was different, just like Emily had said. Did she have feelings for Emily? Hanna's stomach lurched, not because she was upset, but because of how obvious it is that she _does_. How had she not realized this sooner, how messed up had she become? She pratically can't stand not being around Emily and oh god, Emily has noticed. Hanna instantly felt mortified, she has feelings for Emily and Emily knew before she did, what was she supposed to do now. It was to much, Alison is alive and now she has some sort of gay like feelings for Emily, who was so obviously still into Alison and literally just broke up with her girlfriend. This can't be happening. Hanna falls back onto her bed and grabs her phone. She settles on Spencer's name and hits call. At least she knows there's no way she'll run into Emily if she's with Spencer.


	3. Chapter 3

Hanna didn't hear from Emily for the rest of the day and she tries to be okay with it. Maybe space from Emily is exactly what she needs. Spencer finally kicks her out around 9pm, claiming she has homework or something to do. Hanna isn't so sure though, Spencer was acting unusual, she was more jumpy then Hanna had seen in a long time. She let it go without pushing, they all seemed to have secrets lately. That thought starts Hanna brain wandering back to Emily, although it didn't seem to take much for that to happen. Just when she feels like she's about to cave and call Emily she suddenly turns over and opens the draw of her nightstand grabs one of the books and starts to read.

Emily is avoiding her. She saw her once this morning outside of the school, but Hanna had been talking with Spencer so Emily had shot them both a cold stare before virtually running inside. Hanna felt irritation flare up in her, she hadn't done anything wrong. Why is Emily mad at her too? She thought she'd run into Emily at some point, Emily usually walked her to most of her classes, but as the bell rang signalling the end of the day Hanna felt her heart clench. She really _was _avoiding Hanna. Hanna drove home as fast as possible and threw herself into her bed. She grabbed the book she's been reading and shut out the world. Her phone goes off a few hours later and her heart jumps but falls when she sees its Spencer who's calling. She wants to talk about Alison's diary entry's and Hanna just doesn't want to here it, she mentions the books she's been reading to try and steer the conversation and suddenly Spencer is asking her why she's at home reading and not out with Aria and _Emily. _Anger, hurt and a strong feeling of longing hit Hanna square in the chest

"Well, I wasn't invited." Hanna states, she feels the attitude seep into her voice. She doesn't want to take it out on Spencer but she can't help herself.

"Why?" Spencer voice is soft and sad. Hanna hears that and she really doesn't want to be mad at Spencer and make her feel any worse but she hasn't seen Emily in over 24 hours, and her pillow smells like her still and Hanna just can't stand not getting some emotion out somehow.

"Because Emily is so pissed at you that she's pissed at me for not being pissed at you!" It comes out harsher then she intended and there's silence on the other end before they quickly finish the conversation.

She throws her phone to the end of her bed, knowing its not going to go off anymore tonight anyway. Hanna sighs, she misses Emily, and she desperately wants her to talk to her. But, Hanna doesn't want to make the first move, she's still so extremely embarrassed, she's been analyzing everything she's done and said around Emily the past couple weeks and it's even more obvious. After Caleb left it was like Hanna somehow finally had permission to think about Emily, but she'd started doing it without even realizing it. She had basically been flirting with Emily shamelessly, and unconsciously? They'd always been close and Emily had always been different with Hanna, but now Hanna was _thinking _differently about Emily. For example, what would it be like to be Emily's girlfriend? Would Hanna even make a good girlfriend for a girl? More importantly, Hanna never really thought about girls before, not that she was thinking about any other girls other then Emily but where it had always been boys in her fantasies suddenly there was Emily. Did this make her gay? Or was she just into Emily? Hanna closed her book, to overwhelmed to read. She doesn't want to get wrapped up in her emotions, she wants it to be simple. She grabs her phone, types out a text and hits send before she can even think about it.

_**To: Emily**_

_**Don't be mad at me okay? I've seriously been reading, Emily! I'm bored without you :(**_

Hanna reads over the text once she's sent it. It's good, light, like how they used to be. Her phone goes off faster then she thought it would.

_**From: Emily**_

_**We're okay Han, haha you really must be bored! I'll see you tomorrow, okay? :)**_

Hanna reply's and lays back in her bed, at least she can sleep now. Emily and her are okay.

The next day Hanna is looking for more books when Emily texts her. She knows she must be a school by now so she rushes there. She seems Emily standing by her locker taking books out. Hanna's first thought is 'Emily looks beautiful' and Hanna feels like she's been thinking that thought every day and this is the first time really acknowledging it before. Then she asks about what her Dad said and Emily starts talking and her eyes say it all, she's angry, scared, and studying Hanna's face in a way Hanna never noticed before today. She makes an crude joke about coming to see her at The Brew later to see A melt her face off and Hanna feels so bad, Emily's so scared, and Hanna doesn't know what to say. She trying to find A, they all are, she try's to reassure her that A isn't the reason her car stopped and Emily tells her to stop reading. Hanna feels a little happy by the comment, that Emily knows her well enough to know that if she was going to read a book she'd pick a mystery. Then Emily mentions Alison and Hanna feels angry again, it seems to be the only emotion she can actively feel lately. She raises her voice slightly feeling exasperated by everything she's feeling and being so close to Emily after over a day apart. She wants her and Spencer to make up and Emily tells her she's not making her pick sides, only Emily has to know that if it came down to that Hanna would pick her, but she doesn't want to do that. Then Emily is looking past her and Spencer walks up and she's gone without another word. Hanna does end up going to The Brew later and she watches Emily work but Emily doesn't acknowledge her with anything but a tight smile when she first arrives. Hanna stays anyway, she tries to read but mostly just watches Emily. She feels bad that she hasn't talked to Emily about Paige but also part of her is afraid to bring it up. Emily is single and if she thinks to much about it she knows it will open up ideas Hanna has been to afraid to venture into. Hanna heads home and goes to bed, only to bed woken up by Spencer at 4 in the morning. They make a plan and she tries to believe her own words, that everything will be forgiven when they finally catch A.

_Hey! So this story is probably going to be fairly long, I haven't really decided at this point whether hannily or emison will be endgame, I'm just gonna see where it goes for a bit first! There will __definitely__be both in this story. At this point though its pretty Hanna centric. Hope that gives you a bit more info :)_


	4. Chapter 4

Hanna pulled up to Dr. Ackard's office for her appointment. Things had been better between her and Emily but it was still rocky, so Hanna has thrown all her effort into trying to catch A. She was certain they were finally going to be one step ahead of A if she could just get those papers. She made small talk and the first opportunity she had she snuck into the file room. She tried to be as fast as possible as she grabbed the papers she needed and slipped back into the room. Hanna sat down feeling accomplished, she'd done it. A few more minutes passed and Hanna wondered briefly what was taking Dr. Ackard so long. Then she heard the door open, Hanna started to mention Sean trying to act casual, but before she knew what was happening a mask was being pressed to her face and everything went dark.

When Hanna woke up it was dark. At first she didn't know where she was but as she looked around she recognized the office and remembered. She was still sitting here in the chair, what had happened? She felt pain shoot through her mouth as she ran her tongue over her teeth and then she tasted blood, she touched her lip and felt the blood stick to her fingers. Her thoughts immediately went to A, and she opened her bag to see the papers were gone. Fear flashed through Hanna and she stood up quickly and basically ran from the office. Hanna walked to her car looking all around, what had A done to her mouth? She sat down in her car and checked the back seat, her hands were starting to shake but she stuffed her hands into her purse and searched until she found her phone. No message from A, but there was one message from Aria.

**From: Aria**

**Hey Han, Emily's dad's in the hospital. She's at my house, Spencer will be here soon too, come over asap.**

Hanna immediately started her car. Emily's Dad is in the hospital? Emily hadn't messaged her at all. Hanna felt the hurt spread throughout her, then again, Emily might be completely overwhelmed, her Dad is so important to her. Hanna almost forgot about what just happened to her as her thoughts started to swirl around Emily. Hanna pulled up to Aria's in less than 10 minutes. Her mind was racing as she ran up the steps to Aria's, and walked straight inside to the living room. Hanna walks in and instantly feels some calm wash over her, after all she'd been through with her friends just being around them made her feel at least a little bit safe. They question where she's been, after all Aria did text her over an hour ago. She tries to explain about the dentist, but her brain still feels foggy, and Spencer is so forceful. She tells her how she thinks A did something to her mouth and Hanna can't help but notice Emily staring at her with extreme concern in her eyes. Emily mentions something about her being hunted down at school and Hanna makes a mental note to make sure Emily and her talk about that. Aira asked what kind of monster could do this sort of thing and Hanna feels sick all over again. She needs them to look inside her mouth right now.

**I told you: dead girl's can't smile. Stop Looking.  
>-A<strong>

Hanna is more afraid then she's been in a long time. A did _surgery_ on her mouth. They start an intense conversation about A after Spencer removed the note from her mouth but Hanna mind is elsewhere and she falls silent in the conversation. Emily notices immediately, Hanna is hardly ever quiet.

"I think Hanna and I are going to head out now, I'm gonna stay with her, you don't mind right, Aria?"

The words come out of Emily's mouth and Hanna is surprised. Her and Emily had hardly exchanged words over the last fews days and now she's staying over. Hanna feels relief though, that she doesn't have to be alone after all of this, and for a minute that overpowers the butterflies appearing in her stomach, because this is the first time since Hanna realized she likes Emily that they'd be sharing a bed, and be alone together for more than five minutes.

"Come on Han, let's go." Emily is standing in front of her and she holds her hand out to Hanna who has sunk as far into the couch as possible. Hanna stares at Emily's hand for a moment, feeling unsure, everything is changing and she isn't sure if her and Emily will survive it this time. She trails her eyes up and meet Emily's, her eyes are one of Hanna's favourite things about her, Emily speaks with her eyes. They are looking at Hanna with warmth, comfort, and what Hanna is pretty sure is love and Hanna feels overwhelmed by how badly she wants to be wrapped up in Emily Fields. She grabs her hand and Emily pulls her up easily, she's always been strong. Emily grabs her purse and throws her arms around Hanna's waist walking them to Aria's front door, they say goodnight quickly. It's Saturday tomorrow so at least Hanna can sleep in she thinks. They walk to Hanna's car and Emily takes her keys from her purse and and heads towards the drivers side. It's typical Emily, always taking care of her.

"You don't have to drive, you've had a rough night." Hanna says before she opens her car door. Knowing Emily's night has been just as bad as hers.

"I don't mind Han. Now get in." Emily says in softest voice. Hanna doesn't protest and Emily starts the car quickly.

"As soon as we get home, safe in my room, we are talking about what happened tonight and everything else." Hanna says, straight to the point. She's not sure what everything else really entails, she just can't up and tell Emily she has some sort of feelings for her, right? Not when things are already to complicated for her, for everyone. Emily just nods her head in response and plugs her phone into Hanna's car, Katy Perry filling the car instantly and Hanna smiles a real small smile. Emily knows her so well, then sing along quietly until they pull up to Hanna's. Hanna's Mom is out as usual and Hanna's thankful, she's not in the mood to field questions about her day. Hanna heads up towards her room but Emily doesn't follow, she turns back after a few steps.

"I'm just going to grab us some waters." Emily says seeing the question in Hanna's eyes.

"Okay." Hanna replies turning back and quickly walking up her stairs, she needs to get out of this outfit. She walks into her room kicking her heels off and stripping her shirt off too. She throws a tank top on and starts on the zipper of her skirt, then she hears Emily enter her room and sit down on her bed. Hanna suddenly feels warm all over. She turns trying to remain composed, she's changed in front of Emily tones of times before. There eyes meet as Hanna's skirt starts to slip down her legs and Hanna catches the flicker of Emily's eyes as they take in her legs. Hanna suddenly feels bold and rakes her eyes obviously along Emily's form sprawled out on her bed hand supporting her head. It was only a couple of seconds but it felt like forever to Hanna and then the panic set it, what was she _doing_? "So what happened tonight Emily?" Hanna says breaking the moment and quickly pulling some track pants on and throwing a pair to Emily, vowing she will not look at Emily when she changes. Emily changes and start to tell her about how someone was after her at the school and how she couldn't get out.

"I called my Dad, because I just needed to get out of there and I knew he would do everything to help me, I didn't know..." Emily trails off and Hanna sees tears slide down her cheeks, she wipes them away without hesitation, and moves closer to Emily as the sit cross legged, knees to knees.

"It's not your fault Em. It's A's." Hanna says holding Emily's face in her hands. Hanna's so sick of this, of A. Why does she have to keep giving up things she wants? It's been years of fighting and she's so tired and more than anything angry. She's so envious of teenagers with normal lives that just get to make mistakes, fall in love and worry about grades. Hanna wants that so badly, she wants to be able to be her impulsive self without the consequences A always inflicts.

"Everything is just falling a part lately. Paige and I, my family, Alison and I, and lately we haven't been talking, if you and I fall apart I don't know what I'll do." Emily says her voice shaking.

"Emily, I will always be here." Hanna says pouring all the love she could into the sentence, because it's true. She loves Emily, more than anything, no matter what she wills always be there for her. Emily's eyes lock onto hers and Hanna feels the blush spread through her cheeks. '_Fuck it' _she thinks. Hanna leans forward and presses her lips softly but quickly to Emily's. She'd wondered if just maybe she'd been wrong about her feelings for Emily but as there lips touch Hanna knows she's been nothing but right. Emily kissed her back after a moment, and Hanna pulled away slowly a few seconds later, shocked expression on her face, starting to regret her impulsive decision. For the second time tonight she thought what am I _doing_? Emily opened her eyes and her face was shocked too, but she didn't look upset which Hanna was instantly grateful for. She immediately started to hope she could talk her way out of this. "I have no idea where that came from. I'm sorry, Emily. I don't know what I was thinking, it just sort of happened, we were just close and you know, it was a serious topic, and I just care about you so much and I could tell you were upset, and I'm upset, and I'm not making any sense but my point is-"

"Hanna, stop." Emily says leaning back. "It's okay, we just got caught up. It doesn't have to mean anything, you can stop freaking out." Emily says softly, but Hanna hears the hurt in her voice, Emily thinks Hanna is freaked out that they kissed, when Hanna really feels like things finally make sense for the first time in forever.

"I'm not freaking out." Hanna says firmly.

"Yes, you are and it's okay. Things have been complicated for you since Caleb left and I get it, you're confused." Emily says calmly, and Hanna feels as if Emily has rehearsed this before.

"Emily, I..." Hanna doesn't know what to say. Should she fight back against what Emily is saying, or take the out that Emily is clearly giving her. Hanna wants to be brave, but she finds words falling out of her mouth before she can stop herself. "You're right, I'm sorry Em." Hanna says feeling instantly like a coward.

"Don't worry about it okay, Han. Let's go to bed." Emily smiles at her and pulls the covers back on Hanna's bed. Hanna nods and crawls inside careful not to touch Emily while doing so. This is not how she expected tonight to go. She kissed Emily and it was everything Hanna has been missing in her life, but Emily has no idea. Emily turns the light off and they lay in the dark for a minute not moving. "I'll always be there for you too, Hanna." Hanna hears Emily's sweet voice ring out in the darkness, she turns and moves closer to Emily resting her head on her shoulder and Emily wraps her arm around Hanna as she's done so many nights before.


End file.
